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Step kids being food for access.

My husband's ex-wife is very health conscious, she likes the kids to eat particular food so she sends all their food with them. She has stopped access in the past over a cheese sandwich. My baby is allergic to nuts, and a lot of the food she sends has nuts in it. We have asked her not to send nuts, but after a reaction I suspect she still does. Is it unreasonable to send the food home? The kids won't eat as well as they normally do, but it won't be junk food.

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Answers (12)

Tell her no nuts under any circumstances or they will be binned, it’s not an option if your child’s life is at risk due to allergies.
To keep the control freak happy I’d let her know she can pack anything else but if you find nuts of any kind you’ll bin all food she sends from then on.
She also can not restrict access over a cheese sandwich, what a head case, get hubby to seek legal help if she wants to play silly games.

 The nuts are usually blended up in curries, so I can't tell by looking
helpful (0) 
 If the nuts are blended and hidden, you then have to forbid any food she brings.
helpful (7) 

You could always chuck the food out? If you've explained the situation to her and she's still decided to send nuts, knowing that there's an allergy (especially that of an innocent baby!) in the house, she's a piece of shit. Add to that that she's already tried to restrict access because you didn't follow her rules (in your own home!) and she's a huge fu****g douche canoe.

 *a huge fu****g SHITTY douche canoe
helpful (4) 

Ridiculous, your husband needs to stop letting her send food. It's just a control thing and she cannot legally deny access because you've fed them a cheese sandwhich, in fact you could feed them McDonalds the whole time and she'd still have no say.. not that you would of course.
Time for him to man up before she hurts your baby again, what kind of asshole sends nuts where an infant is allergic!

When she drops the kids off I’d go through the food there and then. Keep the stuff you KNOW is nut-free and hand her back the ‘not sure’ items, then she knows you’re serious, the food hasn’t entered your house and she can freeze it or whatever for the kids when they’re with her. She seems pretty bloody unreasonable to me.

This is so over the top. If your child’s health is at risk then you need to stand up. Get your husband to talk to a lawyer.

Bringing food for access. I promise I am not planning to eat the kids. 😱

 😂😂😂 I hope you don’t plan to be a monster and eat them without a marinade.
helpful (0) 

Personally I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all and is something that you should be able to deal with successfully in the courts if she threatens access because of it.

Refuse all food she sends.She’ll he sick of having the kids full time and she will learn to send them without food

 Huh?
helpful (0) 

Meet her at the door and tell her you have a but free home or if you don’t see her at drop off text her and tell her you have a but free home, if she sends foods with nuts it will be binned container and all.
Point out if she has an issue with this tell her she will be expected to attend mediation to discuss and if no success family court and your expected out come be that the children eat what’s on the menu at your home. (Assuming they have no allergies)

Dh sent her a message saying meals are not ok anymore. If she wants to send food I will try to make the meals with what she sends, so I know what's in it.

 How did that go down?
helpful (1) 
 Not well.
helpful (0) 
 You are honestly amazing. You were willing to come to a compromise that could have kept everyone happy and she is just being difficult.
helpful (3) 

I think your husband needs to get onto it, I wouldn't say anything and just throw her food out.

Are the custody arrangements in writing? If so, and they do not mention anything about food (which would be unusual) then she cany stop access. He is their father and can feed them what he likes.