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Is this abuse ?

Hubby has disconnected the heater thermostat when he is at work
My kids and I are freezing in winter
Temp is between 3 and 8 degrees

We aren’t poor or rich
Hubby wants the elect bill in winter between $190 and $290


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Answers (18)

Yes it is abuse. His actions are causing you and the children damage. This is not okay. Ring an emergency repairer and tell them what your husband has done. They will come out and fix it for you and show you have to reconnect it.

Domestic violence refers to violence, abuse and intimidation between people who are or have been in an intimate relationship. The perpetrator uses violence to control and dominate the other person. This causes fear, physical harm and/or psychological harm. Domestic violence is a violation of human rights.

Domestic violence in Australia can include:

emotional abuse
physical assault
sexual assault
verbal abuse
financial abuse - includes not allowing you funds for heating!!
psychological abuse
isolating a woman from her friends and family
stopping a woman from practicing her religion.

Its also includes subjecting kids to the above and also them witnessing or being exposed to the above.

I'd be taking that as a sign he wants you to all have new winter clothes and thick blankets and even a new set of slippers each. I don't think it's abuse, but he sounds like a rat bastard. So I wouldn't be buying him new things when you get your new winter stuff. He might have very specific taste and want to pick his own 😉
Go shopping and send him the bill. If he wants to act like a dictator, he can't also act like a loving husband and father.

 Oops forgot to add, maybe look into solar powered heaters.
helpful (1) 
 I would also suggest that burning his possessions to keep warm is legitimate.
helpful (14) 
 Love this response
helpful (0) 
 See I'd be saving the burning of his possessions until a later date. That's a big commitment to make to the cause. Maybe if he returned the new winter gear or something. Or if he pulled some other really douche move. You don't use your best ammo straight up. You gotta save it up for big stuff.
helpful (1) 

It's definitely controlling behaviour, you get no say in this at all?

My husband whines about the electricity bill too and I generally try to make sure I am conscious of our consumption to please him but if it's cold I guard the aircon remote like a rabid squirrel.

Make a list of other ways you can cut the costs but tell him heating for the children is a non negotiable!

I asked my neighbour to show me how to connect the thermosat and text my husband to say too cold to cook or clean the house
He told me how to connect the thermosat
I told him what he was doing for the last 5 days it’s classed as abuse
He said oh sorry

 Well done for standing up for yourself and your children. Theres other ways to save money.
helpful (1) 
 What a dick seriously. He knew what he was doing was wrong. Shouldn't have don't it in the first place.
helpful (1) 

wouldn't a normal person just turn the oven on, and leave the oven door open, or buy a small portable heater to turn on in one room? if the bill is still high, then limit him to 2 minute showers every second day and blame it on his hot water usage.

 Wouldnt those things cost more to run? Especially the small heater!
helpful (1) 
 Or deliberately use up all the hot water having hot baths to get yourselves warm. Nothing like a good soak in a hot bath !
helpful (2) 
 I would use the oven.
helpful (0) 
 Yes it costs more to run a small electric heater. She should hide it when he’s home so he does not know she is using it! Then act dumb when the Hugh electricity bill comes in.
helpful (0) 

That's actually disgusting. I'd be telling him to shove it up his arse and he can live on his own if hes gonna treat you and your children like that. Go stay at your moms a couple night and get someone out to pull the fuse or something out of it so he can go a couple days freezing all night.

I don't know if it abuse. But what a dick. You and your kids will be freezing your arse off just so he gets the electricity bill to an amount he wants.

Does he reconnect it when he gets home?

He wants to be warm

helpful (0) 
 Well he's just a dick then. He can't let you and the kids freeze all day then reconnect it when he gets home so he's warm.
That shit wouldn't be happening in my house. Hope you have some words for him tonight.

helpful (5) 
 Reconnect it.
If he wants to be warm cant expect you to freeze.

helpful (1) 

Look at a more energy efficient heater. While you are saving up for one try to save some money on your grocery bill. Give your husband a tiny portion of meat, a huge scoop of rice and a huge scoop of home brand mixed veg.

 Love it. And don’t go get to spit on it.
helpful (1) 

Throw the heater out. Tell him it was broken and wouldn’t turn on. Do it to the next one he buys. And the next one. If you have to freeze, then he can too. Buy lovely warm clothes and blankets for yourself and the kids. It absolutely is abuse. Controlling is abuse. Also, make sure you and the kids have hot showers before he gets home from work. Then turn the water heater off. Also, spit in his food. Yeah I hate arseholes like your husband, my sister is married to one.

Of course that's abuse. Sorry you're being made a second class citizen in your own home and marriage.

I don’t know that I would call it abuse but it is disgusting. He’s being a perfect a*s. I would learn how to reconnect it. Is he this controlling in other areas of your life?

possibly. Depends where you live and how cold it gets and whether you have reasonable alternatives like putting on more clothing. He sounds controlling either way. It sounds selfish that he puts it on druing the night but then its probably coldder at night.

 op said the temp is between 3 and 8 degrees at the moment..
helpful (0) 

I wouldn't say abuse but it's downright mean, and controlling. He shouldn't put it on when he gets home then. He should also come from his heated office or wherever the heck he works and sit in the cold also. But he won't, he will justify that because he works all day and yoy don't, then that is his right. I am sure you are doing all you can OP to keep the bills down.

 This is a clear case of financial abuse. Its also cruel and spiteful, he is a selfish pig. I was married to one like that. Best thing I ever did was leave him.
helpful (2) 
 not to say its ok but not everyone works in a warm office. some people work outside and freeze.
helpful (0) 

What the actual hell. That’s fine absolutely abuse and your children shouldn’t be putting up with that.