Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Navy partners

I've been dating someone for a few years now and they've been overseas on deployment for about 10 months, how do you all deal with the distance? I feel like it's starting to get to me lately :(, I love him and I'm working through it I just want to hear others stories :)

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (9)

The trick is to be so independent that when your partner is home, it’s a bonus.

There are support groups you can join for defence partners. I went to one ‘catch-up’ with spouses from my husband’s section but it wasn’t for me so I don’t have any other advice. Try searching Facebook groups

Not Navy but hubby works away. Sometimes we don't see him for 6-8 months. I have friends that are in the same boat. We wine and whine a couple times a month. Everyone comes over cuz i have the most appropriate house for it. Someone brings wine, snacks for the adults. We make pizza or some other no argument meal. We do some kid friendly activities, have dinner, and set up a movie night camp in for the older ones. Under 4, all go to bed after the first film. That's when the mom's and I cut loose a bit. We complain about the men being away, watch trash tv or corny movies. Sometimes we pass around the devil's lettuce. Lol We plan non-wine activites, set up babysitting and carpooling schedules to help each other, etc. In the morning we have a big breakfast and do some meal prepping for the next couple weeks. Right before the guys get back, we all clean our houses together, plan our annual kid free weekend, set date night sitters, and plan some luncheons/brunches for all of us... it's about having a strong support system. If you have friends/ family you share emotional intamacy with, lacking the physical is a little easier.

Also, get a good vibrator.

I missed my boyfriend more when I wasn’t busy. When I was working flat-out, socialising, going to the gym (and NOT to pick up, mind you) etc I didn’t have time to mope and feel sorry for myself. We used to communicate as much as possible by phone or Skype and we’d send emails and letters all the time. Are you the journaling type? I know some people like to keep deployment journals to record everything they’re feeling and everything they want to show their partner when they get back (photos, clippings, ticket stubs etc). My partner and I don’t really do keepsakes but it helped a friend of mine feel closer to her husband.

Did you get an info pack from DCO before your partner went on deployment? We used to get a whole heap of pamphlets with contact numbers/support info, DVDs with videos explaining deployment issues for families/children etc. If you don’t have anything like that, checkout Defence Community Organisation online and find out what kind of support is available to you. All the best xx

Thanks for all your helpful answers! Lots of great advice :) xxx

Ditch him & get a partner who actually going to be around. If you think it's hard now what until you have kids.

 🤦‍♀️
helpful (0) 
OP We have a child :). I'm pretty set on him.
helpful (0) 

It's bloody hard!! My hubby left for a 10 month deployment when our daughter was 7 weeks old. Super lonely, I struggled with PND. BUT I found a support facebook group which was amazing. That was 7 years ago and I am still in contact with some other ladies from that support group. We've gone through another deployment, only 6 months and I handled that one much better. Get out when you can, enjoy time with friends, write your partner letters, try and enjoy yourself. I know it's hard. Xx

How are you doing, OP?

OP Better! Thanks for asking :), I guess I was just having a down day :(
helpful (1)